A Spaghetti Western version of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew"

    

It's a balmy June evening in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Couples are stretching languidly and chatting on the green-green grassy knoll near the Swan Pond at Millersville University, as the sun plays hide and seek with the moon. Love is in the air--and in the voices of a pair of troubadours entertaining the spectators who are unhrriedly awaiting the opening lines of a "spaghetti western" version of William Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew" presented by the People's Shakespeare Project 2014.

        Sure, there are going to be complications. It is a Shakespearean "problematic comedy," a mix of characters and situations during which everything seems topsy-turvy. What's this abourt "taming" a woman? Isn't that a terrible case of "machismo?" Perhaps. But the action takes place before women's rights, when a lady had to defend herself with other weapons. And after the laughter dies out we inevitably begin to think about issues that concern men and women today.

       OK. Maybe you are a bit sour on the classics. But under the direction of Laura Korach Howell there Shakespeare's lines are said with an enchanting Texan accent and the characters from Padua are dressed in cowboy fashion! That in itself is good for a prolonged applause and a horse laugh, because the actors go from 1700th century English to modern day Texan drawl with astonishing facility.
         What's the story? Well Lucentio arrives accompanied by his servant, Tranio and falls head over heals in love with a mother's youngest daughter, Bianca--who due to her beauty and gentle ways already has two suitors and the possibility of receiving a generous dawry.  There's a catch. The mother, Baptista, will not allow Bianca to marry until Katherine, her oldest and a very bad humored daughter is married. That could give way to a dramatic situation. But Shakespeare skillfully treats it as a comedy.
        To break the stalemate, he introduces Petruchio, a young man bent on landing a wealthy wife. Why not take up the challenge of "taming" the shrew (Katherine) and collecting a very respectable dowry? There is strick logic to the script. Bianca's suitors are dying to help get the shrew married. So disguises abound as Hotensio and Lucentio pose as tutors to get close to Bianca. Tranio dresses as Lucentio and the Merchant as Vincentio, Lucentio's father.

To clench things, the real Vincentio appears on the scene amidst complete chaos. And out of chaos order, or a sort of evening out of loose ends. There is even what you might call a happy ending, but that depends on how you understand the series of confusing events.
         The People's Shakespeare Project deserves a round of applause for recreating Shakespeare's play with great fidelity to the text and the vision Shakespeare had of theatre, while at the same time updating the show with the introduction of the accent and a western setting.

            More information on the Project is available at http://www.peoplesshakespeareproject.org  Email: info@tpsproject.org.

Would you please stop tweeping me!

“Hey you tweep you’d better unfriend me or I’ll catfish you! “ Before our dear readers go bananas we would like to suggest that they check out the latest version of the Merrian-Webster dictionary, whose 2014 edition includes 150 new words. What about steampunk, autotune, hashtag, hot spot, selfie, unfriend, fangirl. If you are over 30 you’d better look them up at http://www.geeksugar.com/New-Webster-Dictionary-Words-2014-34815401.

Just in case you are in a hurry or not used to webbing, a tweep is a Twitter user, a selfie is a photo that you take of yourself, a dubstep is a genre of electronic dance music, catfish is to deceive someone with a false social networking site, unfriend is to remove a contact from a social networking site and hashtag is a clarifying or categorizing workd or phrase preceding the symbol #.

Surprising enough this is not a record year for new English terms. According to the Oxford English Dictionary the 150 new entries compares poorly with 1880-1889, in full industrial revolution, when 9,882 words were added. But like it or not, new technology brings new terminology. What some observers might be a potentially dangerous process is the distance that appears to be growing in the terminology used by the youngest generation and those over 50 years of age.

 

" Ingénue," a ten minute tragedy by Sue Lange of Reading Pennsylvania

Sue Lange, founding member of "Book View Café," (BVC) an authors' collective which includes over 30 published writers such as Ursula K. Le Guin, Vonda N. McIntyre, Patricia Rice and Sherwood Smith. Her first novel, Tritcheon Hash, was published in 2003 by Metropolis Ink, her second, "We Robots," was published by Aqueduct Press in 2007. BVC released a collection of her previously published short stories, under the title of "Uncategorized." And in 2010 BVC released her literary science fiction novel, "The Textile Planet." She has received numerous literary awards. We publish here her short play entitled "Ingénue, a ten-minute tragedy."

"Ingénue, a ten-minute tragedy"

Drama by Sue Lange

Description:               1 m or f (off-stage voice)

Rony has acquiesced to her mother her entire life, but now she is old enough to make her own decisions. She wants to pursue a career as an artist like her wild friend, Char, but her mother’s influence has her heading toward an academic career in which she is unlikely to be happy. She must find the strength to defy her mother and create her own destiny.

Cast of characters: Rony: high school senior (pronounced “Roaney), Char: high school senior (pronounced “Shar”), Cranston: hall monitor (any age, any gender)

 

Time: Last period of the day. Place: Girls high school restroom; handicapped stall.

SETTING: We are in the handicapped stall of the high school girls’ restroom. There is the angled bar on the wall next to the toilet. A low sink on the fourth wall with an imaginary mirror above it. A backpack sits off to the side.

 AT RISE: The school bell rings, followed by the reverberating sound of someone vomiting into a toilet. The lights come up we see RONY at the toilet. CHAR enters and slips in under the stall door on her stomach. She pulls off her backpack and sets it on the floor. 

                                                            CHAR

What do you have, like, bulimia?

(RONY looks over at her, sits back on her heels, wipes her mouth, stands up, and moves to the sink to rinse her mouth.)

                                                            CHAR

Today’s the day, eh?  

                        (She pulls herself in all the way, glances at the toilet bowl.)

Ugh!                      (flushes the toilet)

This is all ‘cuz you took that stupid S.A.T., you know that, right?

 

(RONY turns from the sink and looks at her. CHAR pulls a pack of gum out of her sweatshirt pocket and hands a stick to RONY who takes it, unwraps it and puts it in her mouth. CHAR opens her hand to take back the wrapper and tosses the paper to the toilet.)

 

                                                            RONY

Hey don’t do that! It’s gonna clog the—

                                                            CHAR

                        (flushes without taking her eyes off RONY)

I’m just sayin’, if you hadn’t a took that test—

                                                            RONY

I know what you’re saying.  

(turns to look in the “mirror” above the sink but doesn’t primp)

Everyone takes the test. You have no future without the test.

                                                           

                                                     CHAR

I didn’t take the test.

 

                                                            RONY

You don’t need to. Your future’s all blah, blah, blah.

 

                                                            CHAR

Who needs college? You could do what I do. There’s tons of money in it.

 

                                                            RONY

(turns to CHAR)

What are you going to do when you’re thirty and tired of playing video games?

                                                            CHAR

Designing. Designing video games.

 

                                                            RONY

Whatever. What are you going to do when you get tired of it?

 

(During the next speech, CHAR sits on the floor and leans against the toilet. She pulls out a rolled joint from her sweatshirt pocket and puts it in her mouth. From her backpack she extracts an ashtray contraption shaped like a penguin and sets it on the floor.)

 

                                                            CHAR

You sound like your mother. What does anyone do when they get tired of anything? Besides, that’s, like, twelve years away. I could be dead by then. ITMT, I get to do what I love and I’ll get paid for it.

 

                                                            RONY

ITMT, There’s no smoking in here.  

(looks under the stall wall to check for the hall monitor)

Cranston’s going to smell that and come in here and we’ll both get kicked out. Of course that doesn’t matter to you.

 

                                                            CHAR

Hey this is the handicapped. Crankhead’s not going to mess with a cripple. Besides…

(points to the penguin)

…I’ve got the smokeless.

 

                                                            RONY

Hey, genius, you still have to, like, blow it out of your mouth.

 

                                                            CHAR

No problem.  

(pulls out a handkerchief)

I’ve got a system.

 

(RONY watches as CHAR lights up, exhales through the handkerchief into the toilet and then flushes.)

 

                                                            RONY

Does that actually work?

 

 

                                                            CHAR

Just keep a watch out for Crankhead. We totally have to do this.

 

                                                            RONY

What?

 

                                                            CHAR

Smoke in the girls’ room. Pot.

 

                                                            RONY

Why?

 

                                                            CHAR

It’s on your bucket list.

(She takes a hit and passes the joint.)

                                                            RONY

My bucket list? What about yours?

 

                                                            CHAR

(She holds the smoke in, then exhales through the handkerchief and flushes.)

I’ve already done it. Twice. But you’re still a virgin. And Rony…

 

                                                            RONY

(Takes a hit.)

Hm?

(Passes the joint.)

                                                            CHAR

I’m pretty sure you can’t get into the sorority of your choice unless you smoked in the bathroom when you were in high school. The really good ones…

 

(RONY grunts.)

 

                                    CHAR (cont.)

…only take you if you got caught.

(Takes a hit.)

 

                                                            RONY

(Blows into the toilet and tosses the roach)

I am not getting caught.

                                                            CHAR

 

(Blows out without using the handkerchief)

Hey!  

(She fishes the roach out and blows on it to dry it off; waves it in the air.)

Are you crazy?

 

                                                            RONY

Probably.

                                                            CHAR (cranky)

Your problem is you need to do what you want and cut the crap. You could do that, you’re talented.

                                                            RONY

Yeah, well, there’s no money in comics, so that’s a dead end.

 

                                                            CHAR

That’s your mother talking again. FYI, somebody’s making money.

                                                            RONY

Yeah, and right now DC’s busting down my door.

 

                                                            CHAR

DIY, like that woman, what was her name? Roberta Gregory?

 

                                                            RONY

First off, Roberta Gregory is a genius. Second, everything isn’t simple for me like it is for you. You always just do what you feel, but you never get into trouble. If I do what I feel, my mother—

 

                                                            CHAR

Will what? Disapprove? That’s her job. My mother disapproves too. Difference is, I, like, ignore it. You’re too dutiful, that’s your problem.

 

                                                            RONY

My mother is my problem.

 

                                                            CHAR

No worse than mine. IMHO, you need to dump that FIT thing and go to art school.

 

                                                            RONY

MIT.

 

                                                            CHAR (singing)

M I T, K E Y. M O U S E.

 

 

                                                            RONY (laughing)

That is so not the tune.

                                                            CHAR

It’s the original. Check out the YouTube. (singing) Mitty mouse. Hey, you could be the president of the itty bitty Mitty club. You’re already president of the —

 

                                                            RONY

Itty bitty titty club.

 

(RONY reaches over to grab CHAR’s breast. Char blocks her arm and they begin a little duel of punches, kicks, and blocks until they resolve to the floor with their arms resting on each other’s shoulders.)

 

                                                            CHAR

Just say “no,” Rony. Tell her you’re not mailing in that stupid rej, registration, or whatever it is.

 

                                                            RONY

Acceptance letter.

 

 

                                                            CHAR

Whatever. She’ll G.O.I.

 

                                                            RONY

She’s not going to “get over it.” She never does.

 

                                                            CHAR

(She sits on the toilet seat, still trying to dry the roach).

If I were you I’d just go to art school. Start a comic book. If it doesn’t catch on in a couple of years, you can always enroll in FIT later.

 

                                                            RONY

I.T.M.T. I’ll lose my scholarship. My mom will go ballistic. She’ll start in with how she’s all alone and can’t afford to send me to school and blah, blah, blah.

 

                                                            CHAR

That’s just manipulation.

 

                                                            RONY

Big word.

 

                                                            CHAR

Learned it from that prick therapist I have to go to.

 

                                                            RONY

Yeah?

                                                           

                                                            CHAR

It’s manipulation. It’s just what parents do because they’re scared.

 

                                                            RONY

My mom scared? Right. Of what?

 

                                                            CHAR

Of you failing. Or succeeding and surpassing her.

 

                                                            RONY

She’s afraid I’m either going to fail or I’m going to succeed?

 

                                                            CHAR

Poor woman can’t win. Fucked up, eh? That’s why I generally ignore parents.

 

                                                            RONY

I’d never get a scholarship to art school. My mom won’t pay for it. How could I go?

 

                                                            CHAR

Be a good American. Take out a loan and go into, like, deep debt for the rest of your life.

 

                                                            RONY

Everything is so easy for you.

 

                                                            CHAR

Because I’m not a good daughter. You should try it.

 

                                                            RONY

And how does one not be a good daughter?

 

(CHAR tries lighting the joint, but it’s too wet.)

 

                                                            RONY

What if I really want to, I don’t know, go into accounting or something?

 

 

                                                            CHAR

 (looks over) Do you?

 

                                                            RONY

I don’t know, I like math. O.T.O.H. I love drawing. That’s what I really love.

                                                           

                                                            CHAR

Think of this. One day, your mother is going to stop nagging you. Will that make you happy then?

 

(RONY nods vehemently.)

 

                                                            CHAR (cont.)

Happiness comes from within, little Rony. You create it.

 

                                                            RONY

Okay, Oprah. I, like, get it. I know all that. Just doesn’t make it easy going against mom and everybody else.

 

                                                            CHAR

I’ve been doing that all my life. You think ol’ lady Crankhead, out at the monitor station out there doesn’t have it in for me? You get used to it.

 

                                                            RONY

I’m not like you. You’ve been in trouble since pre-school. You’re, like, used to it.

 

                                                            CHAR

It’s time you got started then. You need to do the right thing and make yourself happy.  If you don’t do this, rip up that registration, tell your mother to K.M.A., you will never, ever do what you want. You will always do what she wants. And Rony, your mother does not have your talent.

 

                                                            RONY

No, but she has…

 

                                                            CHAR

What?

 

                                                            RONY

It doesn’t matter what I want. She’ll just make me change my mind. She always does. She’s been doing it my whole life. When I was like, ten, she took me to Wheeler’s to get a bike. My first brand new bike. No more Goodwill stuff. So we go in and there’s like, rows and rows of these beautiful sparkling bikes. I couldn’t believe I was going to get one. So she goes, pick whatever you want. So I find this great, I don’t know what brand, but it was grown-ups bike. It was steel gray. I could just tell I would fly with it. She just shakes her head and picks out this pathetic pink thing appropriate for ten-year-old.

 

                                                            CHAR

It didn’t have those tassels on the handle bars, did it.

 

                                                            RONY.

Yes!

 

                                                            CHAR

OMG.

 

                                                            RONY

So that’s what I got. I got the pink one with the tassels after she said I could have whatever I wanted. I can always have whatever I want as long as it’s what she wants.

 

                                                            CHAR

You should have said no right then and there.

 

                                                            RONY

I did. I told her I wanted the black one.

 

                                                            CHAR

And what did she say.

 

                                                            RONY

She goes this one comes with a matching helmet. Look, it even has bunny ears.

 

                                                            CHAR

NO!

 

                                                            RONY

Yes.

 

                                                            CHAR

No wonder we stopped riding biks.

 

                                                            RONY

Right?

 

                                                            CHAR

One of the great pleasures of childhood.

 

                                                            RONY

Gone.

 

                                                            CHAR

You could have cut the bunny ears off.

 

                                                            RONY

Tried it.

 

                                                            CHAR

And?

 

                                                            RONY

They were like molded plastic, one with the helmet. Impossible.

 

                                                            CHAR.

Shame.

 

(Silence for several moments as RONY cogitates and CHAR continues to wave the roach to dry it. Then suddenly RONY reaches over and grabs it.)

 

                                                            RONY

Give me that thing!

 

(She grabs lighter from CHAR, lights it)

 

                                                            RONY

I’m going to do it.

 

                                                            CHAR

Great. Do what?

 

                                                            RONY (stands)

It! I’m going to do it!

(She kicks the wall of the stall for emphasis. CHAR looks under the stall)

                                                            CHAR

Shhhh!

 

                                                            RONY

Why? I want to get caught, right? So I’ll get into the sorority of my choice. Anyway, (whispers) I’m going to do it.

 

(RONY starts dancing around softly singing “I’m going to do it,” punctuating the “it.” CHAR joins in. They sing softly and rhythmically, like a change)

 

                                                            CHAR

You’re going to it! You’re going to do it! Rip up the Rej, rip up the rej.

 

                                                            RONY

Gotta rip it up before the old lady sends it in the mail.

 

                                                            CHAR

Rip up the rej, rip up the rej.

                                                            RONY

Art school, tart school, you and me we heart school.

 

                                                            CHAR

Rip up the rej, rip up the rej.

 

                                                            RONY

Rip up the rej, rip up the rej.

 

(CHAR slows down, tosses the roach to the toilet and flushes.)

 

                                                            CHAR

Whoa, getting’ late, dude. I gotta go home. I got a party tonight. You’re coming right? Go home, rip up the rej, then get ready to pahty!

(She packs up her stuff and unlatches the stall door.)

And no more of this bulimia crap, right?

 

(RONY’s phone rings. She pulls it out of her pack.)

 

                                                            RONY

It’s my mom.

 

(She grimaces as she pushes the button to talk. CHAR stops to listen.)

 

                                                           

                                                            RONY (cont.)

Hi, Mom.

 

(CHAR mimes ripping up the letter.)

 

                                                            RONY (cont.)

Yeah, I’ll be home in a bit….the registration?

 

(CHAR shakes her head vehemently)

 

                                                            RONY (cont.)

Um, well, I don’t think I’m going to send it in. Sure, we’ll talk about it when I get home, but I’ve pretty much deciced…uh, yes. No, I don’t think I’ll….change my mind.

 

(CHAR jumps up and down, thumbs up. RONY nods and closes the phone down. They fist bump. CHAR turns to go. She holds the door open for RONY.)

 

                                    RONY (cont.)

Go ahead. I have to pee.

 

(CHAR leaves. The door swings closed, Rony latches it. We hear the outer door swish open and closed behind CHAR.)

 

                                                            CHAR (O.S.)

(off-stage) Rip up the rej! Rip up the rej! Why Ms. Cranston. Lovely to see you. Just think, one more week and—

 

                                                            CRANSTON (O.S.)

Cut the crap. Where do you think you’re going?

 

                                                            CHAR (O.S.)

Home. This is my study period.

 

                                                            CRANSTON (O.S.)

I’m going to write you up.

 

(CHAR’s voice gets fainter as if she is walking down the hall away from the restroom.)

 

                                                            CHAR (O.S.)

Char. C. H. A. R. No last name. They know who I am. Mwahahaha

 

(RONY listens in the stall. She shakes her head at CHAR’s insolence. Paces a bit. She starts doing her little “rip up the rej!” half heartedly. She smokes a fake joint.)

 

RONY

(quietly, imitating Char) They know who I am. Mwahaha.

 

(Her phone rings. She answers.)

 

RONY

Hi mom…What? …You shouldn’t have done that…Because I thought we were going to talk about it when I got home. You just went ahead and mailed it? I’m going to take it out when I get home. And then we will talk about it. …Oh how convenient. The mailman came just as you were putting it in the box…I’m sure it is for the best…Yeah, sure, we can talk about it when I get home.

 

(She hangs up and stows the phone, shaking her head.)

 

                                                            RONY

We can talk about it then, we can talk about it tomorrow and the next day and for the rest of my life we can talk about it. And then we’ll do what you want.

 

(Suddenly she reaches for the toilet on her knees. LIGHTS OUT. The final bell of the day rings.)

SueLange
121 Windsor Street
Front
Reading, PA 19601
suelange1@verizon.net
484-769-9327